God's Plan

I'm not even sure how to sum up the crazy rush of emotions I felt this morning. I knew all along that visiting churches was NOT going to be easy. In fact, I knew it would be one of the hardest things about moving. I say that because we will always have our friends, always have our family, but our place of worship MUST change. It's just a fact. I know that God has incredible plans for our family in our new location and at a church that he has already hand-picked for us to be a part of, but the transition period is not easy. At least it wasn't today.

Our plan was to go to the 9:30 worship service and then go to Sunday School. We didn't end up going to Sunday School because the worship service in itself was a lot to take in. I wasn't expecting to react the way I did, but I was an emotional wreck both inwardly and outwardly. It was actually very embarrassing.

Kyle and I got to church about 25 mins early, so we had a while to sit in the sanctuary before church actually started. We sat and talked for a few minutes. Music was playing over the sound system in the sanctuary. They began playing "Thank You", a song my dad has always sung and even recorded. I've never heard anyone but my dad sing this song, and the voice singing the song over the speakers did nothing but remind me of how far I was from home and how we would not be worshiping with our family on a regular basis any longer. (Plus he didn't sound anywhere near as good as my dad.) I started crying uncontrollably. I was doing nothing to make these tears come. They were pouring out of my eyes as if they had been waiting to come out the whole week. I calmed myself some mostly by laughing at how ridiculous I looked and because I did not want to embarrass poor Kyle. He understood, though, and probably expected that to happen. Shortly after this episode, church began with choruses. Wouldn't you know, they sing "Blessed Be Your Name" and "How Great Is Our God", two songs we sing often at JBC. Each time a song came on, all I could do was look at Kyle and say, "Are you kidding me? Is this really happening?" Needless to say, the crying only got worse. I kept looking on stage and to see so many smiling faces but none of them familiar and none of them my family was so very strange. I found myself not even knowing what part to sing on "How Great Is Our God" because I'm so used to following along with my sweet sister. I sound like a crybaby I know. That's exactly what I was. Once the music was over, I was fine. I wondered how I could do this again. Or if I could. I need a strength that can only come from God to be able to focus on the task ahead, which is finding where God would have our family serve Him here in this place. I can't dwell on what I've left behind or what I'm "used to."

I know all this sounds so gloom and doom. The fact of the matter is, leaving Jefferson is like leaving family. They are our family and have been for 15 years (for me) and 6 years for Kyle. While all of this is so hard, I know that God has big things in store for us and this is only the beginning. It's not gloom and doom. It's actually very exciting. This may be a tough transition, but He is using all of this to teach us wonderful things about His love and faithfulness. For the first time in my life where church is concerned, I am in a place that is uncomfortable. I do not have instant friends as a result of my place in the church. No one knows me and I know nothing about the inner workings of the church. God will use this to teach me how to operate out of my comfort zone and circle of friends. I (we) am excited about the challenge and know that God is with us every step of the way.

As promised, Kyle took me to Lupe Tortilla after church and we had a great lunch! We really are enjoying exploring the places around here. It's a great place to live. I can't wait for y'all to come visit! I'm sure if you are still reading you are bored to tears. But I knew everyone wanted to know how church went today, so that is the story. Please pray for Kyle and me as we continue to search for where God has planned for us to attend church. We know that He has amazing things in store.

Love,
Lindz